Happy Birthday Bethany! August 25, 2010

I usually struggle more on the weekends than during the week, but this weekend has been worse! I think I am struggling to not COMPLETLY fall off the wagon! Even with all my good efforts I am falling short. It seems like temptation is meeting me (and hitting me over the head) at every corner.

My oldest daughter had a birthday this Wednesday and it seems like the celebrating has continued ever since! I always ask the girls on their birthday what they want for their birthday dinner. They can choose to go out or have me fix one of their favorite meals. This year Bethany wanted to go to one of my favorite pizza places. Lombardi’s (in my opinion) has the best pizza, the crust is thin and crispy…yummo!! I don’t think I did too bad, I ordered a side salad and ate half of that before the pizza got to the table. I wound up eating one slice of cheese pizza, but in all fairness their slices are pretty good size!! You may be saying…well that’s not to bad. But the truth is.. I had chines for lunch! Help!! I have NO self-control right now! I had my period this week and to be honest I was blaming some of my poor choices on that…but I have to face the facts…I’m screwing up!!

This has nothing to do with my surgery and everything to do with where my head is right now. I get my third fill on Wednesday and my doctor made me wait a full month before he would give me another fill. The first two weeks usually go really well. I lose a decent amount of weight and then by the third week my band is not tight and I have very little restriction, so I start to struggle. Believe me Wednesday cannot come fast enough!!

I will let you know what the doctor’s office says my weight loss is for the month after my appointment. The good news is I have been consistent with my exercise. I have people who will want to know where I am if I don’t show up, that helps me a ton. I know I would have fizzled out if it were not for them!!

I can’t end this post without saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY BETHANY!!! You are the best, and I’m so happy to be your mom!!!

Do you struggle more during the week or on the weekend??

Thank you God.. August 14, 2010

It’s the weekend!!! Yea!

My last post was for Tuesday’s food journal and then..well life took over. My youngest daughter has some behavioral/health issues and whenever things go a little crazy for her I sometimes really struggle. So needless to say my eating went to hell in a handbasket (as people around here would say)

I must confess I ate General Tao’s chicken and two Little Debbie type cakes (To ease my nerves of course!) After eating the chinese food I woke up the next morning with a migraine headache! I think my body was calling me a dumb ass! I kept trying to “Get back on track” but since Wednesday there was a junk food item in my journal each day.

OK the better side of this is..

• I didn’t blow it the way I would have, say..one year ago. I didn’t completely throw in the towel and say screw it!
• I continued to get my daily exercise, even when all day long I was trying to talk myself out of it!
• I realize this is an issue that I MUST deal with. Sometimes issues with my daughter will come up and I can’t allow it to affect me in THAT way!

On a positive note. I had a blast yesterday at Jolly Rogers water park in Ocean City! We took the children from the school I work at, and we had a BLAST! Let me tell you I had my fair share of exercise! The steps you have to climb for each water ride is unreal. My thighs are still screaming today!

Food for Friday

8:00 am- Oats, sunflower seeds, peanut butter and soy vanilla milk you let them sit overnight in the fridge and other sites call them “Over night oats”

12:30 pm- Hamburger and 1/2 of the bun, a handful of nacho chips and cheese sauce. There is not a lot of healthy options to choose from at a park like that. Next year we are taking our own food!!

5:15 pm- As soon as we hit the bus to come home I ate one and a half cheese sticks ( the half was what my daughter Madison didn’t finish of hers)

8:00 pm- 1 cup of great homemade soup made with chicken and lots of yellow squash, zucchini, onions and a little brown rice. Gosh was this good! I will freeze what is left in 1 cup servings and put them in the freezer for lunches and quick dinners.

All in all, I don’t feel too terrible about my week. I have to keep in mind this is a learning process. Having surgery doesn’t work on my brain and fix how I handle problems when they come up, that’s all on me! Next time HOPEFULLY I will be more aware of my situation and will control how I react a little differently.

What do you do when you think know you are weak??

 

2 Steps forward, 1 step back?! July 24, 2010

Last week I was on a losing “high” I was rolling right along and slam!!! The weekend hit!

• I started my period
• I had an 18th birthday party that I attended on Saturday
• I was at my brothers to celebrate his 31st birthday on Sunday

Need I say more???? I have been extremely reluctant, or completely petrified (it fluctuates throughout the day) to get on the scale. The positives about the weekend are that I was a  new person at these parties. There is a lot of temptation at parties like these. You know, cake, ice cream, dips and crackers… I could go on and on about it. But, you already know them. The thing I am the most proud of is that at both parties my main foods were the healthier choices. I had lots of fresh veggies and fruit to choose from. Even grilling some for extra flavor!  I am not gonna lie. It was very hard. I wanted to immerse myself in chicken dip, better yet, chocolate ice cream. But I didn’t! And I had a great time in spite of the fact that I didn’t pig out. Don’t get me wrong, I did eat some chicken dip, but I’m not going to live under a rock and not taste things!

Why is it that parties and celebrations of all kind are more about the foods then the things we originally gathered for? I have to start to rethink how I should celebrate. I think that this is something that has to take time. It is a growing process!!

By the way..I did get the nerve to get on the scale and …I did not gain..I stayed the same. Hey I’m lovin it!!!

How do you handle staying healthy at parties and get togethers???

Help!! July 21, 2010

I’m having a bad day and I want to eat…anything! McDonald’s is on my mind and I’ve even considered going to the store to pick up some yummy chocolate ice cream! I keep filling my head with the reasons why these things would be acceptable, it’s like seeing the train coming but not being able to get out-of-the-way.

My councilor Dr. Weever said there would be times like this.( I think that’s a song!) Plus for every illogical thought to justify the food cravings I have a logical one filled with the truth of my situation…I’ve had a crappy day, I’m feeling down, cravings are normal and after all, I am human!!

This is what I’m going to do to help ensure my success;

• I think the best thing for me to do is to plan out what I am going to eat down to the last morsel!!
• If I start getting crazy thoughts that I can’t seem to get rid of.. I promise myself I will go for a walk. (That should change my mind right there because it is butt hot outside!!)
• Remind myself this is the beginning of my journey and hard times are going to come around. It’s all in the way I handle it.

I have had some really good days and I know not everyday can be easy. Part of this process is learning to deal with these feelings and not just eat and ignore them

How do you handle your feelings when you’ve had a bad day??

Foaming at the mouth!? July 18, 2010

Yea it’s just what you thought it was going to be about when you read the title… throwing up, puking, up chucking what ever you want to call it, it’s no fun. So far since my first fill I have been sticking to pureed or soft foods like..yogurt, squash, soups or a combination of things that i blended. I was invited to spend the weekend with a friend and she had dinner ready for me when I got to her house. The smell was WONDERFUL! she had fixed one of my favorite dishes that she makes, we call it Orange Chicken (I’m sure there is a more common name for it,but that’s what we call it) Well I couldn’t resist the chicken, even though my gut was saying go slow!! I think I had about 2 bites in when..yep you guessed it..It got stuck! I sat up straiter, tried to breathe slower and relax my chest, I was swallowing hard, trying to burp, nothing was moving. I sat quietly and hoped it would work its way down. Suddenly it started to move!! Just not in the direction I was hoping for! I quickly excused myself from the table and made my way to the furthest bathroom in the house. It’s not quite the way you envision it..normally when you throw up it’s fast, quick and over with. This takes a while and it’s little by little. When everything that had went in, came out. I felt much better!

I won’t be taking on much meat that is not pureed or cut within inches of MY life!! Eating is a little of an adventure for me right now. I’m learning what i can tolerate and what I need to steer clear of for a while. A friend asked me if it was all worth it..I didn’t even have to think about it. YES!!! I would have the surgery again tomorrow and do it all again! It is not for everyone I’m sure, You have to want it with everything inside of you and I know there will be days that I will say to hell with the process and want to give up.The diffrence between before and now is that, I have learned that I will have bad day’s, and have meals that I feel like I’m going to explode after. The big deal is I’m not going to beat myself up and quit  the process!

Check out my Scale Victory Goals page. I need ideas and help!!!

How do you recover when you feel like you have blown it???

My guilty pleasure! July 11, 2010

Happy Week End!!! I love weekends when I can relax and enjoy my family!

I’m getting my first fill on Monday and I notice I have been thinking, fretting, contemplating a lot about it. I know from other bloggers that it should be a non-event, but it’s the fear of the unknown that keeps me wondering…Anyway before my fill I wanted to get in one of my favorite guilty pleasures..mexican food!! In my area we have a restaurant that everyone loves named La tolteca. Well let me tell you it was fabulus..like always. I ordered fajita’s and while I was waiting I had the chips (which by the way come out warm!!!) and this banging white sauce they make fresh everyday. Yummy! I ate way too much and my tummy was crying by the time we left but I noticed one thing..I brought almost all of my fajita home with me!! Had this been before my surgery I would have found a way to scarf it down..I may not have been able to breathe, but by God I would have done it!! So the moral of my story is.. yes I ate too much and did not listen to the cues my body was giving me that I was full.. But the amount of food I did eat was NO WHERE near where it would have been one month ago!!!

The other big difference I have seen is that before I would have felt guilty later and said “I blew it I may as well blow the rest of the day..or weekend” but instead Amy my fabulous nutritionist came to mind. Amy always says this is the rest of you life, not a diet and there are times when your going to splurge on a high calorie meal. The deal is make it the meal and surround your self with healthy smart calorie foods the rest of the time. So the rest of the weekend I have been doing what I’m suppose to do.. drinking my protein drinks and eating healthy well-balanced meals!

It’s sometimes really hard when you feel like you have over eaten..how do you get yourself back on track when you feel like this??